i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
