I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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