And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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