i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
