Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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