Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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