So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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