How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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