By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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