dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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