Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't think brook has ever known best
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
