Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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