I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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