I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize