i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
