Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
