And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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