But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
