this beer tastes like vomit already
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
