dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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