wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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