In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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