I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
