Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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