we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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