my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
