do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
