Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
