I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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