I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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