Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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