we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
