NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
