Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.