i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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