I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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