I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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