I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
