All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
