This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
