im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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