Soap is not a condiment
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
