Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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