Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
