i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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