Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
