I cockslap morals
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
whose parrot is this?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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