Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
