fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
