It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
