Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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