Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
