Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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