I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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