Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
