So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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