biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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