okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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