Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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