If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
