Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
