there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
