im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
