every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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