Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
