check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
