in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
