They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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