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I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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