So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
