I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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