The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
