you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
